With sadness in my heart

Awesome cookbook!

 

At the moment there’s so much sadness in my heart, at the same time I’ve learned not to be sad because I’ve lost someone but to be happy that I indeed met and got to know this person, that life happened. But what do you do when all these emotions wash over you, the sadness, the tears and the emptiness? How do I know where to go from here? It’s like fumbling around in the dark trying to find your way out of a cave.

My loss, one of my dearest friends, to me that’s huge… and I’m thinking what her daughter must be going through… I can’t even begin to fathom what she’s feeling right now. What would I do if I lost my mother? I don’t know. I don’t think her daughter knows either.

When I found out about my friends passing, I fell down on the kitchen floor like a pile of clothes with my phone in my hand and I cried. There were so many feelings and thoughts and I could hear her voice and the sound of her laughter. That made me cry even more. I was thinking I could have done so much more, but in reality, there was nothing I could have done to prevent it.

When I told my kiddos what had happened, my daughter fell into tears and said: “Mom, now I know why my heart was aching yesterday”. She is only 10 but already feeling so much and she’s very intuitive.

I love to cook, and I’ve been wanting to make so many recipes out of this cookbook, so to get something else to think about for a while, I started cooking. My friend loved good food and to cook, we often made each other dinner back in the day, and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her chicken spaghetti. It was her own recipe, but thank God she taught it to me!

There will always be things that remind me of her. A song. A scent. A color. A flavor. Every time I make the chicken spaghetti, I will think of her, but then again, I always did… Those reminders have always brought a smile to my face, it’s just that now they will have a totally different meaning, still bringing a smile to my face, but also sadness to my heart.

People come and people go. People die and babies are born. Every day. Energy and love in motion. The cycle is complete. It doesn’t make the pain less real nor does it make it go away. But I know I have an angel to hold my hand when this journey of life gets rough or bumpy. Hug and love your near and dear ones as much as you can and tell your loved ones how much they mean to you, before it’s too late. Love every day!

I read something beautiful yesterday: “Mom, why do the best people die first? -Well, if you’re in a garden, who would you pick first?

XOXO Lena

 

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